Have Osama Bin Laden and George W. Bush ever exchanged emails?
Apparently, yes.
In one of the oddest pieces of memorabilia in the history of the war on terror, a fragment of an email from Osama Bin Laden – sourced from a 5-Star hotel in Islamabad, Pakistan — briefly appeared as an attachment to the on-line version of the 2007 Annual Report of the Department of Homeland Security.
The email was deleted from DHS’ website after the initial flurry of press inquiries to DHS.
One of the subjects was Osama Bin Laden’s interest in obtaining a tenured professorship at Yale. Osama Bin Laden lost interest because he was being
“pigeon-holed” into Yale’s Department of Islamic Studies, when his clear, and adamant, preference was the Department of Film Studies.
Yale, citing “applicant privacy concerns,” “inter-departmental rivalries,” and “other explosive issues,” would not comment.
This is the text of the email obtained by AP:
[Date: Mon, 2 Jun 2007 19:30:34 -0500 (EST)
To: private_ring_elvis_1@pres.mil.com login=guest
From: serena.ba.ac.pk Subject: Wazzup]
To: Office Of The President
From: OBL
Re: Wazzup
Date: June 3, 2007
[all data in brackets is editorial]
To proceed:
The Yale position was a grand
gesture, J. [Junior], but you have got to see
the prejudice at Yale. They wanted to pigeon-hole
me into the Islamic Studies Department. I told them
that I should be in Film Studies.
I used to watch more American football; I liked the Chicago Bears when Ditka was the coach. Lately, I consider TV a horrible distraction, though I won't miss Oprah or American Idol even if Shooter [Vice-President Richard P. Cheney] calls my cell phone -- usually with either a dirty joke or a whine about the cramps in his legs (I tell him to eat bananas for the potassium, but, btw, he's not a good listener).
You complain, sir, about the lowering of prices in the U.S.A., and you say that materialism is better than war, since unemployed young males can at least be kept busy by covetousness. I say: try shopping in Dubai. Aside from the high prices, the graspy Arab retailers never have “sales.” I say: let Wal-Mart expand. The problem is the Chinese.
Your deep contact (Hank K.) [Henry Kissinger] asked me to get Afghani heroin into China “to slow down the Chinese hordes until we figure out what power drink --likely Sobe's 'No Fear' -- they’re using.” I don’t know a lot about the quality of Afghani heroin (as is justly said in our favorite movie ["Scarface"]: “Don’t get high on your own supply“).
The warlords won’t sell opium to China because they fear that the Chinese will reverse-engineer the seeds and sell poppy fora penny a pound. Afghanis exaggerate alot; nevertheless, most prejudices contain a grain of truth, do they not?
(shouldn’t European women shave their legs?)
(shouldn’t jihadists tone it down a wee bit?)
(shouldn’t Native Americans shy away from booze and gambling?)
You’ve made me too famous, hermano(We close ones — la familia – know how much you weep at Spanish nouns). This angers the other family: my family.
Anger at the Spanish nouns, Mr. President? No: anger at the excessive fame.
I have fifty brothers and sisters, and just sending birthday cards from Islamabad to my relatives takes up much of my waking time.
My bad: Islamabad is the capital of Pakistan, my Texan Ranger!
The adults in my family would prefer to do business quietly and anonymously, but Arabs can’t quickly change their names in a local court like you do in the U.S. So, the name “Bin Laden” is becoming a burden instead of a blessing, they tell me. I tell them: get a life.
It’s not like everything about fame is bad. A signed baseball by me goes for $600 on Ebay. If I back-date it, you can get a grand.
Speaking of money, I’m going to use that agent you recommended for my memoirs. The tentative title is “The Tallest Arab.”
Off to bed. “So say good night to the bad guy!”
With All Respect,
Obie
P.S. You were right. A simple medicine ball is helpful
for lower back pain.
